only hope

Too much fights we did.
I'm tired.
You keep on pressing me even deeper.
Too pathetic. Too pitiful. Too over.
You say goodbye and live a life well.
Don't you know it's like cutting butterfly's wings and telling it to fly.
Yes I feel guilty to let u go.
But I have to.
I have no choice.

If I tell u the reason, then you'll hate me more.
It's all written in the korean sentences I told him.
He doesn't even understand.
Then, I can't do anything with it.
I'm sad to see you sad.
It's like I'm the bad girl here.
But if u keep quiet for a while, the world be silent.
Maybe you can hear the cause.
You can hear what I'm screaming right now.
I can't tell you my dear NYME blog.
:(
You can spread my sealed secret of my life.

I'm sorry to hurt you kelvin, but this is for your own good.
You better go and find another girl. Better than me.
Prettier than me.
Smarter than me.
Healthier than me.
I know you deserve that girl.
Compare to me, just an useless girl.

If I disappear one day, nobody knows where I'm going.
Life is hard.
But every time I try to jump off from the tall grounded cement,
He whispers me, soft yet loud, for not leaving this world.
A world with racism.
Much of fake covering it.

Nobody wants me.
Even the guy I most like now hates me.
I don't know how to be strong.
Nobody teach me.
Even the closest friend of mine.
Where are you my friend?
I need you now.
But you never seem to show up.
Am I only your doll to be bullied at?
I don't know how to be me anymore.
No way out.

Please God, if you let me to live, then give me a full wonderful life.
Not a life with disease.
That will ended me to see you soon.
If it's true, hence take me with you faster.
Because I don't have any power to stand in this world. Amen.